so..spent the weekend being positive about my situation. finally broke down last night at 1:15 when my friend from england told me she wanted to be there for me but that we wouldn't see each other for a while. sometimes it just doesn't matter. you just get hit by a wave of realization of what and how long it's going to be until you are "normal". i snuck out of the party we were at and had what i call "a moment".
"a moment" is when i'm weepy and feeling sorry for myself. i try not to have too many of them but sometimes they sneak up on me when i least expect them.
the fact of the matter is that in the end, it's just me, the drugs and the cancer. all the support in the world doesn't really change that.
tomorrow i start w/ the first part of my chemo regimen. i've been told to feel maybe flu-ish. nervous and apprehensive but, i confess, drinking one of my favorite wines, sineann pinot, resonance and trying to catch the yankee game, watch my shows w/ emma and sleep.
happy that ben's team kicked ass today. loved that little guy eric today.
signing off.
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