rebounding effect

coming out of chemo week is like coming up for air when you've been down on the bottom of a pool holding your breath. everything around you still feels not quite focused and looks slightly out of focus. you're not quite sure if you're ready to be back on the dry land or if you should just hang out in the water waiting for a bit.

for me, i find i do everything more tentatively and slowly. all the normal things i might normally jump into i go in with my arms out - just in case i'm going to trip or fall. even getting dressed and putting on makeup feels like a huge effort. a girl i connected with through my oncologist who had gone through the same regimen i'm on had said that each chemo takes longer to come out of. she's so right. it's wed, 10 days after chemo, already...and i am just starting to feel like my old self. this time round i was hit with a lot of weeping and crying at the slightest provocation. weepy, annoyed, on edge and very very tired. so not like my normal peppy self....it was doubly upsetting to be like that.

so today i met with a doctor who kind of gave me the end of the tunnel date to think about....while we were talking about steps after chemo it was oddly encouraging to know that i will probably probably be back to regaining my life by summer. so nice to see that light beckoning at the end of the tunnel.