lymphedema

very frustrating. either from flying or the altitude or the skiing or some combination of the two, i have swelling in my right hand. i hit my low spot on the first day of skiing....we had taken a few runs and had stopped at one of the lodges when i noticed that my hand seemed swollen. i had worn a sleeve to fly that felt like it was cutting off the circulation at my wrist but what would i know? i had ordered the sleeve like i was told and was wearing it to protect agst lymphedema...trying not to freak out i told the kids to keep skiing and that i would go call some people to figure this out.

i called my pt person, my oncologist's office and then tried to rebuy a glove and sleeve for the airplane home and have them shipped to the place i was staying.

after accomplishing all this, i went into the bathroom at our condo (why is it always in the bathroom?) and started sobbing hysterically. i wanted to feel normal after all those months of chemo and to not think about the cancer - just for the 4 days of skiing.

instead, it's like i keep getting hit in the ass with it. not only am i the only bald girl i notice skiing but i'm also the only one with a swollen right hand, a huge black & blue on her belly (the shot so my ovaries won't work) and the one with more shit to look forward to upon my return.

hard to not feel somewhat sorry for myself. what other part of my body won't function the way it's supposed to when all this is said and done?

so i had my cry, put on my boots and went skiing.

off to deer valley

all decisions have been made finally about next steps and i am off to beautiful deer valley to ski for 4 glorious days.

more later :)

3 weeks and counting...

3 weeks out of chemo....every day is a better day :).

just went for my mri y'day. i know it was probably not necessary but getting a good reading off of that will certainly make me feel better. theoretically, at least, i am cancer free right now.

so much to update everyone on but i am waiting for some final decisions from the docs and such...so in the meantime just wanted to do a quick hey.....just glad i'm done w/ the chemo.

am going skiing next week w / emma & ben and then onto wash. d.c. w/ everyone. hoping to finish paying all the bills and catching up by then. i am buried under paper. i swear paper paralizes me. i feel like my nana. she used to sit next to stacks of newspapers that she was definitely going to read. the pile was as tall as she. i'm trying to throw out paper a little bit more frequently but i've realized that i am a horder....

then the bills & insurance are a whole 'nother matter. crazy.

next up...curling :)

bald is beautiful?

so now that i'm nearing the end (hopefully!) of being bald, i guess i should bite the bullet and post a few photos of me bald. not sure i subscribe to the notion that bald is beautiful. it actually makes me feel vulnerable and naked but here they are.

me "dressed up" and me w/ lisa in my usual sweat combo.

curious to see what color i'll grow it all back.....

last round, maialino encore, jane & lisa

wow. cannot believe that i haven't posted since my last chemo which was last tuesday. expected to feel bad and didn't feel as bad as i thought i would but am still tired. i've been napping every day since and i've got all the dryness, cracking and bloody noses that i usually do but I'M DONE.

i thank my lucky stars since i'm not so into god these days that lisa's come in almost every 3 weeks to be with me for the chemo bad days....every time she leaves i think i cry. she's been such a nice, calming presence to have in the house. i know i'll miss her visits ....

so reflections on last chemo round....wow.

my friend jane from vt came in w/ her daughter and puppy for the actual infusion - so nice seeing her. we went to my chemo - always a weird, nice time. my mom and jane were both there. we talked, read, and before you knew it we were done.

then we went to maialino and met up with some of my buds from tufts, my brother & his wife and ate and drank ourselves silly. not too much talking about cancer, rather talk about everything else. again the atmosphere, food and drink were perfect :). it is my new favorite restaurant. i ordered for the table with captain social's help ...antipasta's, salads, pastas, vegetable sides....fish, meat, dessert....so good. drank copious amounts of wine - white & red. i always figure after getting all that shit put in my system, what difference could a little wine make anyway???

the next day we went to lion king w/ sam & jane's daughter....it was sam's first broadway show- he was awestruck. by thursday, i was going into chemo fog as the storm hit the northeast....jane left with a storm swirling behind her and lisa arrived just before 684 got hit. lucky travelers :)

this round has been so much more tiring than the others but the rest of the effects have been tolerable. i'm still tired. i try to take a nap but mostly just lie down every day after lunch still. they say it takes 3 weeks to feel normal but the drugs are still floating around for up to 6 months...

here's me w/ ben. he's trying to show me how to do a new game that jane does all the time. during the snow storm, ben took it upon himself to build a quisnee (not sure of spelling) and fix my old computer.

here are pictures of the quisnee: